Tongue Playground

For all you smokers out there, this is your shout out:
When you were a kid, did you ever have that fear that words were limited? The media feeds into this a bit with all those movies where the guy is about to get shot in the head and the bad guy asks, "Any last words?" Or somebody you know dies and everybody goes, "and their last words were...." It only makes sense to assume as a child, that you have X amount of words you are allowed to use before BAM your life is over. An embarrassing memory as a kid that I had was you know how kids sometimes run around in circles trying to catch air into a jar? Okay, imagine an 8 year old girl running around the grown ups talking in the living room trying to catch all their words. See, I knew then, I might need these somedays. If a limited amount of words were true, I was investing in my future. It was a good idea dammit. So for the sake of all of you out there that have ever worried that one day you might not have anything left to say, compiling your sentences may just save your life down the road.

Here's the problem: Let's say you would like to go get something to eat. How do you convey this message. Well by saying your hungry. Or, how about you would like to go lay down for a bit. You would just say your tired. Or you are taking a nap. Much shorter that way you see. In the case of the hunger.. "I would like to get something to eat" vs. "I'm hungry." That's a savings of SIX words! SIX. The years just keep adding up here. But when they made these shorter versions for us using the English language... They showed their true colors. Oh yes, I'm calling them out on their discrimanitory actions!!! What about smokers! Huh? What about those addicted to the ready roll? I mean, they included drug addicts. You don't hear people saying, "I would like to go snort some crack today." No... those bitches just say, "I want my fix today." So many words... so little time. But no, oh no, nothing for the smokers. I challenge you to try to think of what somebody can say instead of, "I would like to step outside for a cigarette"
...
...
...
That's right. There is nothing else. Until now. I would like to officially be the one to cut the ribbon, raise the curtain and take a bow for the soon to be (if they don't turn me down) newest addition to the Websters dictionary. Carpooched. What do you want to do right now? I'm glad you asked, I was thinking I might carpooch.

Carpooch: (v)(adj)(n)(anything)- One's need to smoke/chew tobacco.

Just letting you smokers know, I've got your back bitches. I'd like you all to think a second and realize how many days of your life can be saved by talking more meaningfully, more condensely, and less ridiculously. Realize, that every time you carpooch that blessed cancer stick, how many words you weren't saying during it. Lets face it, smacking somebody across face means, "I don't like you." Giving somebody the finger means, "I don't like you." Running somebody over with your car means, "I don't like you." So carpooch with meaning because we all know, putting out your cigarette onto somebody's arm gets the message across loud and clear. "I really don't fucking like you." Save your words you beautiful carpoocher. And do it with care. We only have so many out there...