How To Be A Rocket Scientist

Today my girlfriends bike broke. It was not a sudden thing. I knew it was having problems. But its a bicycle. I figured, ya know, it can't be that bad. It was hard as hell to pedal, it didn't like changing gears, and in general, it went so slow that you'd be pedaling your butt off, and people would be walking past your sweaty stinky body at a casual pace. That means, the chain has gone bad and needs to be replaced. So I head to the store, I get me a chain tool, and a chain and I check all the directions.. and that was were I made my first mistake. 10 minutes by yourself, its a snap! Sweet! I had to be somewhere today, you know, that wasn't at home fucking with a bike chain. That's what I thought. Instead, this happened:

Apparently it forgets to tell you that you have to BE a machine to work the chain tool to take off the chain. Then if you push it just a tiny tiny bit too far, you fucked up and now your screwed. And then I couldn't get the new chain on. And then the chain tool broke. And then a neighbor had a stolen new one I could borrow. And that was great after I had to shorten the chain 4 links further than I should've had to according to the directions. And then the master link broke in half on a test ride. And then we're back to the pain in the ass pins. A total of 4 hours, 3 chains, 2 chain tools, and 1 pissed off girl later, my girlfriend had a working bicycle.

You know what I have to say about that? Who the fuck is the person who did that in 10 minutes by themselves? And who the fuck wrote those directions? One thing I hate is reading a manual and it says "easy to install" or "will only take ten minutes". What those things should say is, "this will make you feel retarded, you'll need tools like a fork and spend half your day kicking yourself in the ass." Then you get one of those things that's like, "this is hard as shit" and your done with it in like 2 seconds. One more hour and her brand new shiny bike, would've looked like this......
I think from now on, I'll stick with things like, building houses and furniture, you know, the easy to assemble stuff.