Hamsters, Orgasms, and Save Points

Imagine a day, it's sunny out. You're walking down the side walk. The heat is coming up and from the pavement and you've got just enough money to buy yourself that morning coffee that makes everything okay. What do you do? Well duh, you stop at the save crystal and save your life before you go into 7-Eleven. I mean, because we all know that those places get robbed like every other day. You never know when you might need to restart. For all of those out there that have every played Final Fantasy. Or any video game really. We all know the happiness that you can only get when you've defeated that hard as fuck bad guy and you've got shit for health and you know you're about to enter that place in the world that is just full of mini monsters. And out of the nowhere... save crystal! That kinda happiness needs to be accessible in the real world. Not only can you save so you restart at a later time because you are in a hurry to get that drink, but, it also cures you of any ailments that you might have gotten during that drunken one night stand you had last night... awkward morning you've had. "Good morning, that was amazing, so.... um... I didn't catch your name." And now, here you are, at your save crystal, about to head into the 7-Eleven. You go in, the place reeks of something suspiciously like urine and stale donuts. Good, no robbers here. You get your coffee, and you go up to the counter. You're cashier takes his time to look at you, like always, like they are obviously doing something of great importance, and you.. should die for interrupting them... As they turn to give you the "I so hate you" look, you notice that something strange about them.... This is what you see:

Well... okay. I mean, who's going to fuck with this hamster in the middle of the night? You smile. Because I mean really, what else can you do. Stepping outside again into the blasting heat you stop by your save crystal again, just in case you're having a bad day and need to see a hamster clerk one more time. You pick up a newspaper from the corner vender. Handy little hamster that guy is, didn't even charge you. And continue walking down the sidewalk. Reading the front page of the paper you learn a few things... Russia is secretly taking over the world.. Florida got bombed and broke up and is now lost somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. (How did that happen?) The economy isn't doing so hot and the Republicans are taking a get out of jail free card on this one. Not sure why they presented that to the congress, but hey, it made for a good picture. What else is going on? We have a first black president. Actually, scratch that. We have our first half black president. Or half white, pending on your side of the debate. Oh yeah, and apparently, we have corruption in the government. Who knew? That's okay, we all die soon anyway, (BEWARE: end of the world in....10 months, 18 days, and 3 years) You look up as your shoe bumps into something. By your shoe lays one of those counters, you know... like for roll over minute commercials.. oh.. but its not one of those. You know what this is. This is your lucky day, you were running really low on roll over orgasms, finding one just laying around saved you having to buy more! They never expire and unlike minutes, these are reusable up to 24 hours once activated. Sweet, your apartment is only a block away. Better store this till next week. As you toss your newspaper into the recycling bin beside your door, you turn and look around. It's going to be a great morning.